Contrary to my often cynical outward persona, I love the holidays. The way people come together, the decor, the palpable magic in the air. What I don’t love is the music. That isn’t to say that there isn’t great Christmas music out there, because there is. Some of the most beautiful music ever has been composed to commemorate the birth of Christ, and the modern observance of the holiday has provided us with tons of warm-hearted, nostalgic chestnuts.

Yet I cannot stand modern, commercial Christmas music. It’s the complete opposite of anything tasteful, tuneful, engaging, or even fun.